best damn thing

love today love today

Friday, November 30, 200711:11 AM

i had lots and lots of fun with fellow dinah, rynn and syq. i didnt know i have friends i could actually mix around with despite my alien from mars attitude and they are alll coooool people. they can sing and play guitar and im like woah-ho i have amazing friends.

dinah made us write our names on her deck. i drew a star and my name RUZ xox and then I LOVE TIKOS. =D and they did something for me:

for memories. and i put them on my desk ok haha. and oh, we camwhored pretty much. mostly from rynn's camera. there are some from my phone but im gonna post them all soon. rynn was the hairdresser for today. syq's hairdresser though. hehe.

so i sent them to my bus stop. hug them all and tata byebye. looking forward to see them again. ^^
ahem. BEFORE they come ... i met juggiekins under the block for awhile coz he wants to pass something to me. lol he was so cute. and guess what he gave me ...

TADAAAAAAAAA MY FIRST LIVERPOOL JC!!! =D and some chocolates too. we finished them all except for the 3 chocolates. so, i was told by juggie to see whats underneath of it. and ... i never blushed that BAD in my entire life! i seriously can feel my face burning ok. was in public then but nvm. geeee.

so who is juggiekins? juggiekins a.k.a RIZAL. There i say it, juggiekins hehe. i wanna thank you very313214314y318473284392491 much again! and oh, kakak zai screamed when she saw that liverpool jc you gave me. she said she was just thinking about buying one for herself. and damn she can really scream lol. i might be going to Raj's birthday party on Saturday.

so there you go. basically i had a fun day and a very very good day makes me wanna live forever. nah u guys wont understand coz it's been awhile since i hang out with my friends. =')

THANK YOU SO MUCH DINAH, SYQ AND RYNN. APPRECIATE EVERYTHING TODAY. THE LAUGHS AND ALL. =') opps. sorry im so emotional lol kidding.

THANKS JUGGIEKINS RIZAL FOR THE THINGS AND THE THOUGHTS. =)

love you all

xox

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WE'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

5:51 AM

yay liverpool won against porto 4-1. torres scored the first 2 and then gerrard penalty and then crouch heading. AC-MILAN draw with i forgot who. my kaka~

and i didnt have enough sleep i didnt sleep the whole night, the whole day yesterday. i only slept at nearly 6 after watching the hightlights yawn

oh yay few more minutes the girls are coming over im so bored so im the kind who cant go out so yeah i make them come lalala and oh im taking some stuff from JUGGIEKINS as well and im sure gonna update on that later shanana.

im still sick thank u very nice

xox

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that's so...

4:30 AM

im pretty much pissed off right now and yes im having menses gotta problem with that? i made hot milo for myself and wanting to dip biscuits in them and then i discovered mom finished them all so i was like a chimney just now smoke coming out of my ears. i was so mad i cursed the creator of the biscuits who couldnt even make extra pieces of biscuits for heavy eater like us grrt.

and then i was happily watching mtv then abah came and started shouting and nag at me an brother saying things like ''you guys aren't working or schooling. look at the house complete mess with 10 inch dust'' ok i exaggerate but he said somethng about the house not being clean. i nearly rolled my eyes in front of him because he scared the manure out of me. really u dun wanna see daddy angry.

so u know i dont really enjoy my life as a teenager. im suppose to go dating or hang out with friends. wouldnt it be fun to go date. movies and then dinner then he'll walk me home. oh boy u wont get all that ruz so shut up. i mean all im asking for is for a date who could come up to my house and fetch me on a date and sent me home WITH my daddy's acknowledge. anyone dare to date me by asking daddy's permission first? hell no im not desperate to have any dates. going on a date doesnt mean only with your boyfriend or need a boyfriend to go on a date thats silly.

i know you guys dont know what im talking about. dont bother. if i were daddy, i wouldnt lock her princess up in a tower forever. i mean, i would let my daughter date. but FIRST i have to know who she is dating and where she's going. AND I HAVE TO ENSURE SHES LIKE AVRIL LAVIGNE. I mean her attitude because avril dont let guys touch her which is good. coz if that bstard dare touching my daughter, he's dead.

theres age limit though. i wont let my daughter out during her primary school time. you're a kiddo, stay at home dont act like a slut wearing push up bras with tissues. when she comes sec 1, i wont let her go either. shes only 13. STAY AT HOME. sec 2? 14? NO, STAY AT HOME. 15? hmmm... maybe i'll let her off with friends with 6 pm curfew and dont argue. a date with a guy maybe 9 o clock curfew. and see how it goes if shes turning into a physcopath i might have to kill her or something.

i dun think i'll let her hang around with ... i dont know lol. oh we'll see about that. if she dare ... i repeat DARE making out with any guy ... caffeinated or however u spell them .

sounds strict? not as strict as daddy. oh maybe i dont understand yet. maybe when i grow older i'll know. whatever.

anyway, dinah syq rynn coming over tmr.
it's 1230am thats so raven on.
waiting for liverpool's match

xoxo

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hotstuff

Thursday, November 29, 20077:15 AM

I'm not the kind that is afraid of approaching anyone at all. some girls might have this phobia of being the first one to approach a hot guy but as for me why bother lol. if they ignore, then live with it if they don't then its cool. so dont pretend that your world is collasping just because a hot guy dont bother talking i mean whats the point.

i admit i used to be the kind that wanted most of the attention especially from the ''in'' crowd because i feel im lacking something but then again i was ignored and i was thinking to myself why bother. so its like rarely im trying to get attention to the beautiful species.

but everything changed now its not me who approach them its them who approach me. sounds arrogant? yeah i know. but the different thing between me and how they react to me lastime was that i never ignore any single person who wants to know me regardless of how they look [even though ive been talking to many hot guys these days lol]. from nerds to geeks to prep to jocks to emo[i know] to rock to punk to metal and also ... old man. i know i just stereotype people lol.

and oh ive got this thing for older man lol

oh i know some of you are annoyed by how i type out things because these days im pretty much being the mother of a pig for being lazy to type out commas or fullstop or punctuation like that haha

oh daddy i want webcam brandon webcam with me yesterday and i wanna webcam with him too lol

oh ignore the britney spear's song and if u think its driving you nuts then just pause them easy as abc

xox

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freaks for vampires

Wednesday, November 28, 20077:19 AM

I need to straighten something out here. I never say emo people are ugly. Yes, most of them are cute. I meant the FACE. Ok? Work something on your english.

But... most of the time, they've got half of their faces covered. o.0 ok stop.

I'm happy with my life now. Made me forget everything else that has happened. I mean, what's the point in dwelling with the past if it only makes u swell even more?

So, what have I been doing these past few days? I decided to forget about the foes and make new friends! Yeah, I mentioned about not making new friends and all. I know. But but but, these new friends Im taking to are hotstuffs but are not arrogant or ignorant. Bukan mcm some people. Dah lah tk lawa, tk hot sombong nak mampos. Blah lah lu.

Ok. As usual, merit bursary for me. Every year. Some year I earned scholarships. YAWN. lol. ok ok. sorry for sounding so stuck-up. take care man

xox

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MY BITCH SYQ!

Tuesday, November 27, 200710:10 AM

Oh my God. Like finally after 3 years I've met this FRIGGING adorable chick SYQ! Haha. Initially wanted to go west mall with bro, search for a job. and then coincidentally syq was there to. so we sorta ''BUMPED'' into each other. Warm welcome with warm hugs! ^^ and yes, anyone would wanna pinch her chick real hard man. lol. and yeah pictures dont lie for her coz she look as good as pics.

anyway, westmall is manure. they want full timers. tsk. and and, i think they're being racist as well coz... they hire a chinese who couldnt even speak ENGLISH. what about me man.

so last resort was IMM. =/ Mini toons. they said they'll call. oh, they better.

couldnt they see? i was sick! and YES MENSES TOO lol. have some sympathy yaw.

my. im outta here.

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I miss you

Monday, November 26, 20078:34 AM

LIVERPOOL-3 NEWCASTLE-O

Ceh ceh.
Biasa ah. Babel impressed me the most. Torres made good attempts on scoring. Newcastle didnt play openly and it's frigging irritating, trust me. Lol. My throat hurts from screaming too much yesterday.

Watched 3 matches in a row. After Liverpool's match was Man U vs Bolton. Bolton won. Biasa ah. *wink* And then, Chelsea vs Derby. 2-0. 2 je kape. And then watch some highlights... Sis and me made fun of the 3 commentator who had to watch 3 matches in a row. Haha. We assumed that they weren't sitting down in that stiff chair while watching. Bawah meja confirm ader bantal dengan tilam. Bentang sume, tiga2 baring tgk bola. When comes half time or end of the match, confirm kelam kabut sumbat pop corn,bantal, tilam sume bawah meja balek. Haha. Not funny? Nvm.

We ordered MacDonald's.

Eh, Kranjkar quite cute eh. From portsmouth. =D k shut up.

Oh yaaaay. We're watching Zorro. Catherine Zeta Jones is gorgeous. Way gorgeous. Antonio Banderas is soooo charming. I would love to marry someone like him regardless the age. *WHAT WHAT?*

And and... I love the theme song. ''I want to spend my lifetime loving you''. So... deep. How romantic. =')

Eh Alyn, mane kau. Aku nak promote kasot kau kat blog pon susah.

And, this coming Sat, gig at Bukit Batok CC. Can I go? I mean, yeah. I mean it's near. I dont mind daddy sending me and fetching me from there. But, if i were to go, it'll be syq and her friends. And I dont really know her friends. I'M SHY. Oh, we'll see. And and, don't forget I'm a gig virgin. I'm about to rip this virginity. Lol.

I'm sick.
=(

EH, I WANNA WATCH OM SHANTI OM. Hindi movie! LOOKS FUN!!! 53 Celebs involve. I wanna watch. *WHAT WHAT?*

Oh, here's the Zorro song.

Moon so bright, night so fine
Keep your heart here with mine
Life's a dream we are dreaming
Race the moon, catch the wind
Ride the night to the end
Seize the day, stand up for the light

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
Heroes rise, heroes fall
Rise again, win it all
In your heart, can't you feel the glory

Through our joy, through our pain
We can move worlds again
Take my hand, dance with me

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I can spend my lifetime loving you

Though we know we will never come again
Where there is love, life begins
Over and over again
Save the night, save the day
Save the love, come what may
Love is worth everything we pay

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I can spend my lifetime loving you

-Sighs. Song I used to listen to when I was in love with Ryan. He spent his lifetime loving me.
=( I miss him.

Loves.

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The Beasties

Sunday, November 25, 20077:39 AM

Hooray.

Today's guitar session with beastie Qhai was fun. Longer time. More knowledge gets inside my brain. Despite the scotching heat, we sat for 3 hours straight. Empty stomach. Lol.

And yes Qhai, I wish I have freedom so I could hang out with you and some of your friends later on at Peninsular. I need to get MORE socialize.

Anyway people, I dont get the job at Giant, IMM. They didnt call. They said 3 days or nothing. So, its way over 3 days. I neeed a job lah.

Loves.

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SICK of EMO SHITS!

Saturday, November 24, 20078:29 AM

I woke up around 2. I'm sick.

Topic for today would be... EMO SHITS.

Now, now, my emo fags, calm down don't slit wrists. Okay. I know I don't like to be stereotyped or stereotype anyone else. BUT, this EMO SHITS are people who are asked to be stereotyped. They love it, trust me. They would deny when anyone calls them EMO but deep inside, they're jumping with joy because they succeeded in being the most gayish living things on this planet. Hey, I know this people, man. No. I NEVER like emo. I never wish to be one either.

EMO. Amateur regards them part of the scene. Ok. I'm not really into any scene but damn, you gotta be kidding me if you say EMO is a scene. Don't crack my buttocks even more now people. I never listen to emo songs. It's full of whiney teeny aliens WHINING their hearts out like as though their great grandad died. Stop whining, fags.

Wannabe emo = ''I want to be emo because I love their hair and the way they're dressed''.

You gotta be kidding me, man [or she-man]. Dressing, aye. Tight pants that squeeeezzzzeeeedddd your fleshy butts and tight tees that accentuate your breasts shape you call them cool? GUYS especially?

See, I can't help it but laugh at your faces when I see any of you in public.

Oh, and, slit wrists. You think slitting wrists is the coolest thing ever? Wow. Slitting wrists makes you hardcore and more emo, aye? What the hell. Where dya put your brains? Slit wrists, slit your veins, blood flowing profusely, hospital-you-go but too late you're dead. What happens next? Your family cries inconsolable, and YOU making them emo just like you. And, the trend being passed down generations by generations making EMO population rapidly increasing and WHO'S TO BLAME? YOU. YOU. YOU. EMO FAG.

My, look at the faces reading my blog. So red. With anger? Lol. Okay. Some of you might say things like ''Up to us to do what we want, you b****!''. Ya, up to you. But, one day, you will thank Good not-exactly-Samaritian for writing out this post. You realized, the childishness of emo TREND.

Ya, I know many emo FANS out there are in a fit of anger after reading my blog and then they might be writing something on their blog about this post. Hey, relax...

DON'T BE ANGRY. SHOULDNT BE ANGRY IF YOU'RE EMO. YOU SHOULD CRY OR YOU'RE NOT EMO. *sense the sarcasm*

Enough of that.

So, looks like people are excited about MCR coming to Singapore. Me? HELL NO. I don't even like them. I don't even wanna think about them. Haha. Let me straighten something out. MCR is EMO ROCK not PUNK ROCK. It cracks me up how people thought they're punk rock. Really. Ok. I mean different people have different music preferences. So, I respect that. But I don't respect wrong genres for wrong bands. And I lost respect for emo as well. So? Bite me.

And, THE CLICK FIVE is POWER POP. But I like their song Jenny. See how I prefer POP than EMO. =D

Don't get me wrong. I listen to all genres. EXCEPT EMO. I listen to pop, rock, metal, punk, techno etc etc but NOT emo. See, different people different music preferences. But, I totally lost recpect to emo. Too bad.

Anyway... do tag.

Let me hear what you gotta say.

Don't be a cyber coward and give me funny names.

Lol.

And... I miss a lot of people.

Pie, especially.

Get over it, buster.

No longer your pie.

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Downfall of the HOOLIGANS.

Friday, November 23, 20077:00 AM

CROATIA - 3 ENGLAND-2
Poor thing... No Euro Cup 2008 for England.
Okay. I'll try not to be so mean. *giggles*

*giggles*
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa!!!

*incesssive laugh*

15 Minutes later...

Okay. My my. I'm sooo JUBILANT and GLAD and EXCITED and THANKFUL that England was not qualified for Euro 2008. I stayed up late yesterday. I didnt sleep. While waiting for the match to start, I watched one Hindi movie titled Chakdee. It was nice! About hockey team.

Anyway, about the match. It was hectic! First goal, the 8th minute, was scored by Croatia. And then few more mintues later, scored by Croatia again. Lol. Then comes half time. I think the Croatia was a little bit too confident since they scored 2 in the first half and they slack a lil 2nd half. [Btw, Croatia's coach is cute]. England took one penalty shot. The stupid Lampard. God, I hate him. And then 2nd goal by Crouch. And, you can imagine how I feel at that point of time. Because I seriously don't want England to be in for Euro 2008 because I hate them. Lol. I mean, I hate England. NOT liverpool. *salutes* weird? So...?

And and and!!! Final goal by Croatia and I'm like ''YESSS''. Just a hiss. Almost a whisper because I dont wanna wake everyone up. The coach was like super cute. The way he reacted when the team scored. So, huraaay~~~ Celebrate.

Ya, you guys must be thinking ''Look at this Ruz girl. She hates England but she loves Liverpool. What is she thinking?'' Let me tell you what I'm thinking. Its the same with any other country. Ok. Lets take Singapore for example. LoL. Many places like Jurong, Bedok, Woodlands blah blah. I love Jurong but it doesnt mean I love Singapore. *Ooooooooooooooh* Hahaha.

So, the point is, I still live Liverpool, love the teammates but not England. You have a problem? Save it for the after-life. 'Cause I'm too busy for it.

Oh ya! One of Croatia's player was sent out. Omg. And still, England couldnt take the challenge? Tsk tsk tsk. *smirks*

I have this feeling at the pit of my stomach that... many people are gonna hate me. HaHa. Geez, come on people. Better luck next time. Smillleeeeee. But, I'm still GLAD England lost. Muahaha.

Alright.
Good day everybody.

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i hate my ex-friends-now

Thursday, November 22, 20076:19 AM

I TOLD MYSELF I WON'T MISS YOU BUT I REMEMBER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BESIDE YOU. I guess you deserve much better than me. That's why you left. I really, seriously, don't want to miss you or even think about you... or even worst, to still love you. But, like what I've said few posts ago ''True love is to give and not expecting anything in return''. But, my feelings, are they really true love?

If so, why am I always expecting you to come back?
Why am I always expecting you to ... call me or text me?

Sounds sooo wrong, Ruzanna.
So impossible.

Hie, I'm RUZ and I just feel like killing those people again. MAN-ure.

Anyway, will be skateboarding with dinah, syq and zacky I think next week. Maybe. Oh, I know what AMAZON body will be thinking ''Eeee poseur''. Yo, you havent see me do my thang. Kau macam paham je metal nie sume. Padehal kat rumah dengar lagu bangra.

Hmmm. Cambridge marker might be going through our paper now. Please, I need the max 20 points. I wanna go M.I.

Okay. PEOPLE ARE IRRITATING NOWADAYS. CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!
I love being ALONE.

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bring it mama

Wednesday, November 21, 200710:25 AM

Today was cool, I guess. Woke up around 12. Got myself ready and off to sis' workplace for the dance. Lasted about 2 hours. We only managed to teach them the first part of the song. One more session this Friday, I think. I'm so tired.

Oh, Brother's birthday today. Happy 21th birthday you crazy brother. We bought him brownies cake and a new mp3/mp4 player.

Anyway, after the dance, I went home alone. Didnt wait for sis. Erm, she gave me some cash to top up my ez link and buy food. So, i walked around west mall and saw hafiz skinhead [dont know if he's still one. lol] working at Giordano. Haha.

Okay. I received a lot of stares from people. All I wore was a JFAC tee and jeans. Headphones. Pink hair. Okay. No wonder. LOL. But I didnt find it weird or what. Im used to be stared at.

And, took the train home. People asking for donations everywhere. This Tamil guy approached me and I know he wants to talk about the donation thing. He's a mamarep anyway. But, music was too loud and I just shrugged him off and he sorta chased me down and said something like ''I just wanna talk about your hair''. His sense of he-thinks-its-cool-being-sarcastic made me
wanted to give him the finger but instead I took a bite from my french fries and throw.

So, I walked home. Here I am. Tired. Tired. Saw a lot of familiar faces. But, it's either they pretend not to see or they really hadn't notice me there.

Damn I'm hungry. And friendster can go eat banana and rot in hell.

I'm still hoping Giant would call me for work. Toys R Us I dont think I stand a chance 'cause Nadia started working already and so are her friends. BUT ME. Lol. I guess, they don't want some physco-freak-sitting-at-the-back-of-the-class looking girl.

Lol. I'm laughing my hearts out watching this Indonesian comedy.

I wanna dye my hair again. A lil streaks of blonde maybe.

Till here.

watch this 5 sec video.

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Get over it

Tuesday, November 20, 20078:12 AM

Hello.
My psychiatrist a.k.a Miss Shrink treats me well. I'll tell you about our session later.

I was sleeping again just now and my phone beeps. It was the lady from Giant, IMM. She called to come for interview. And then, I went there, and the manager said that she will refer me to the Department Manager and if there's no call for the next 3 days from them means they are not interested. Damn. PRAY FOR ME PLEASE. I'm ROTTING at home. I saw Sasha and Bat. 2 nice sweet girls. Pretty, pretty. At least they're not arrogant even though we're 3 years difference. And I think they saw me acting like a monkey on the escalator.

Anyway, back to Miss Shrink.

Miss Shrink treats my mental illness. No. I'm not crazy. Just a little disturb and BELO.

After pouring out everything that's troubling my mind to her, she started giving me this psychiatrist look and tone.

Miss Shrink told me to ignore.
Miss Shrink told me not to talk to the guy or them.
Miss Shrink told me to laugh when I feel like crying.
Miss Shrink told me to stop listening to i'm-suicide kind of songs.
Miss Shrink told me to control my eating even though she understood that I'm stress. She's just worried I'll go overweight. [Which we both know is impossible now]
Miss Shrink told me to stop any physical contact with the opposite sex. [No problem. As always]
Miss Shrink told me to stop being infatuated with any guy. [In the meantime. I'm too young]
Miss Shrink told me it's better to have a celebrity crush. [But, in my case, it's the heart throb soccer player. *drools*.

There you go. Miss Shrink helped a lot. Hey, why should I care with anyone that doesn't appreciate me or was a pretender all along? I really, seriously, and mean it, when I say I don't need you people anymore. Hey relax. I was referring to those who mentally hurts and destroy me. Don't come talking anymore because I won't give a earwax on what you people are gonna say. I don't even need your explanation. I'm completely fine without you guys. Really. You're so fine I want you mine you're so delicious~

It's funny when you think it's gonna work out. Man, you already hurt this woman down here. ''Yooohoooo!'' *Waves hand vigorously* But, damn damn damn, I'm cool now. I'm trying out this new thing recommended by Miss Shrink. BE OPTIMISTIC. *di angguk angguk angguk angguk*
''Kita selalu optimis."

I miss being on my skateboard!!! I miss skating. I miss doing my ollie. And, if you ask me to do ollie, I won't be able to do it now because that was ... 2-3 years ago. LOL. Eh, dumbos, don't go around call me a POSEUR because YOU never see me SKATE and do my THANG before. Did I just say THANG?

Oh, I miss soccer too! I used to play soccer with cousins and I'm the only girl in it. So much fun! And, used to play soccer with the guys in school who now turned their backs on me. No. I'm not even the least sad about it.

Okay. So what's next. I'm gonna do some choreography on my dance steps. Finishing soon. And then showing it to my sis. So we're gonna wrap it all up tonight. Maybe I'm gonna record myself dancing it and then post it in youtube. Sis and me are gonna teach the people in her workplace. GIRLS ONLY. Who says we can't shake like PCD. *raises eyebrow*

Brother's birthday tomorrow.

Let's end this, with a song. ''TEPOK TANGAN RAMAI-RAMAI YE.''

Get over it

Slipping down a slide
I did enjoy the ride
Don't know what to decide
You lied to me
You looked me in the eye
It took me by surprise
Now are you gratified
You cried to me

La, la, la, la, la

Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad
It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

When I was feeling down
You'd start to hang around
And then I found your hands all over me
And that was out of bounds
You filthy rotten hound
It's better than it sounds, believe me

La, la, la, la, la

Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad
It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

Hey, you gotta get over it
Hey, you gotta get over it
It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad

Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad
It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

You'll have to get over it

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Ugly girl

12:30 AM

It's like really morning now. Woke up this early because of my upper lips! I think it's gonna be infected or something. It always does. I mean, once, twice a year. And believe me, it's hideous, ugly, scary and monstrous I wouldn't wanna go out and face the public. This is what you call SCARY you stupid bunch of wankers. LOL. But, I hope it was just a minor ant bite or something. Please please. Amin. Will be updating again later. On, my shrink.

I'm hungry.

Ugly girl

Ken: Hey Barbie
Barbie: Hey ken!
Ken: Wanna go for a ride!
Barbie: Sure Ken.
Ken: Well forget it!

Im an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl,
Sad I have it, I should bag it,
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair,
I'm a relation to Frankenstiens creation

Im a bland, homely girl,
All alone in the world,
Im as black as a fart,
Thin and lanky

Ken:
You're a dog, get a troll, were you hit by a train?
Wont go near you 'cause your breath is skanky

You can't touch, Im afraid,
cause guys say Im an eyesore

Ooooh
Im an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl,
Sad I have it, I should really bag it,
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair,
a relaltion to Frankenstiens creation

Ken: You're so ugly, you disgust me
Boo-hoo-hoo, yeah
Ken: You're so ugly, you disgust me
Ooh, ooh

Barbie: Oh, lets go out and have some fun!
Ken: Im sorry, you're just too damn ugly.
Barbie: Oh, screw you, Ken!!

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I'm nobody

Monday, November 19, 20079:35 AM

Hi. I'm RUZ.

And I'm very angry. Right now. Angry at what I just... happened to lay my eyes on and read those things. Really, really. Where have I went wrong? Left without a word.

See, people, I don't write my personal life at blog. Personal as in way too personal. Not in DETAILS at least. So, I won't mention anything about that matter in details.

Cokelat says ''Ku ingin kau rasakan pahitnya terbuang sia-sia''. Ruz, move on man. MOVE ON.

''TAXI!!!''

So, these past few days, I've been concerntrating a lot on my guitar and dancing. Nothing matters anymore. Will be demostrating them to sis' workplace. Maybe. I've been eating a lot too. Like a lot.

So, today went out with bro, sis and mother. [Ya ya. I don't go out with friends]. First stop was Serangoon. Saaaaaay... The waiter there was like whispering to each other saying things like ''That girl sure can eat.'' Haha. I may be skinny but I eat a lot. Recently especially. Coz Im stress.

And then to city hall. Citylink. Sis bought another LIVERPOOL jacket. That freak. And then to Peninsular. She bought more Liverpool merch. Freak. Haha.

Then to vivo city. And home. I hate vivo city.

The Truth

So here we are
We are alone
There’s weight on your mind
I wanna know
The truth
If this is how you feel
Say it to me
If this was ever real

I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me[x2]

I want the truth
So this is you
You're talking to me
You found a million ways to let me down
So I’m not hurt when you’re not around
I was blind
But now I see
This is how you feel
Just say it to me
If this was ever real

I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me[x2]

I know that this will break me
I know that this might make me cry
You gotta say what’s on your mind, on your mind
I know that this will hurt me
And break my heart and soul inside
But I don’t wanna live this lie

I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts
I don’t care no more, no
Just give me the truth
Give me the truth
'Cause I don’t care no more
Give me the truth
'Cause I don’t care no more, no
Just give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
'Cause I don’t care no more, no

-Sad song, indeed.

Perfect

Sick of circling the same road
Sick of bearing the guilt
So open the windows to cool off
And heat pours in instead

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

All my efforts to clean me
Leave me putrid and filthy
And how can you look at me
When I can't stand myself

I'm tired to be honest
I'm nobody

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone
Perfect in weakness
I'm only running in just your strength alone

I tried to kill you
You tried to save me
You save me
You save me
You save me
You save me

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone
Perfect in weakness
I'm only running in just your strength alone

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Sunday, November 18, 20078:08 AM

OKAY. LIKE, MY SECOND POST FOR TODAY. I'M FRUSTRATED. SAD. MAD. SAD. SAD. SAD.

GOD, I'M SO UNWANTED FOR NOTHING.

I'M FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE.

Please, people, point out my flaws. Where have I gone wrong? First, it's late boyfriend, and then friends, and then close friends and then pie.

I can never make it better.

*shoots temple*
Will this make you all happy?

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You drive me crazy

7:45 AM

Thanks to Qhai beastie for coaching me just now. Now at least I can play something. Hehe. Oh, sis apologised for her unfriendliness because she was sick. She promised to treat us for lunch next week. =)

Oh, people, I'm able to meet him because I'm learning guitar and we practice near sis' workplace. In fact, in front of the center. Haha.

Planned to go Peninsular with sister but she was sick. So, we're going out tomorrow. First to Serangoon; eat thosai. And then maybe to Peninsular.

Reached home and a Hindi movie is on TV. It's pretty sad and all. No, not about golek2-atas-hill-hide-belakang-pokok. It's about three old men who ran out of their house because their children treat them super bad. In fact, one of them slapped their dad and all. Omg. If I were there, I'll slit their throats man.

But, funny as well. I mean the story. The three old men is soooo cute. HAHA. And oh, one of them is a Christian, another one Hindu and another one Muslim. There was one scene about this Muslim old man being treated unfairly just because he is a Muslim. Sensitive issue here. But, this old man uphold his pride by debating with them that not all Muslim are terrorist. Etc etc. It pissed me off when people look down on us Muslim. I mean, please. You wouldnt wanna do it with me. Or prepare to ... cry. Hoho.

Ok. I'm joblessssss nowwwww. I need a job. I need money!

Anyway, I kept on listening to Britney's old song.

Hit me baby one more time

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here
Oh baby baby, I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're out of sight, yeah
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby cuz I need to know, because

My loneliness is killin' me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

Oh baby baby, the reason I breathe is you
Girl you've got me blinded
Oh pretty baby, there's nothin' that I wouldn't do
It's not the way I planned it
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby 'cause I need to know, because

My loneliness is killin me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

Oh baby baby
Oh baby baby
Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know

Oh pretty baby, I shouldn't have let you go
Now I must confess
That my loneliness
Is killin me now
Don't you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

My loneliness is killin' me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

You drive me crazy

Baby, I'm so into you
You got that somethin, what can I do
Baby, you spin me around
The Earth is movin, but I can't feel the ground

Every time you look at me
My heart is jumpin, it's easy to see

You drive me crazy
I just cant sleep
Im so excited, I'm in too deep
Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright
Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night

Tell Me, you're so into me
That i'm the only one you will see
Tell me, i'm not in the blue
That i'm not wastin, my feelings on you

You drive me crazyI just cant sleep
Im so excited, I'm in too deep
Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright
Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night
Crazy, I just can't sleep
I'm so excited, I'm in too deep
Crazy, But it feels alright
Every Day and Every Night

You drive me crazy
I just cant sleep
Im so excited, I'm in too deep
Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright
Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night

You Drive Me Crazy (You drive me crazy baby)
Ohh..Crazy, But It Feels Alright
Baby Thinkin of you keeps me up all night
Baby Thinkin of you keeps me up all night

-What what what?! Bubblegum pop? Sooo???

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There for you

Saturday, November 17, 20072:22 PM

I had a fun night out
with mother just now.
We went to IMM/Giant
to buy some groceries.
Oh, before that, we went
window shopping.

I love pushing the trolley.
I love pushing them hard and
make car noises. [sounds so wrong. haha]
I love to speed up.
I love to skid.
People are staring.
I smiled.

I saw alyn darling.
At banquet.
And she texted me saying something like
''Aku bopien ah tkde tempat dudok terpakse dudok
seblah matrep2 nie''.
LOL.

Hey, I think making short paragraphs
like this are annoying.

Ok stop.

So, I was busy shopping with mother and someone called me via phone. I shall not name who but I really felt sorry for her. He don't deserve you or anyone. Kau buat bodoh suaaaaaa. *bebual minahrep* LOL.

So, tomorrow's gonna be a fun day for me. In the morning, I'm going to sis' workplace with her and then meet Qhai for guitar lessons. And then afternoon going off to peninsular with sis because she wants to buy more of LIVERPOOL merchandise. That freak. Lol.

I feel like eating cheeseburger. Or double cheeseburger. And I'm jobless. Darn, no link. But I neeed a job. I need to work. I need money.

I can't deny what seems to be obvious. I'm not over you. See, I miss the smile on your face. I miss you texting me. Joder...

There for you

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake.
You're always a true friend.
I don't deserve you cause
I'm not there for you.
Please forgive me again...

I want to be there for you...
Someone you can come to...
It runs deeper than my bones...
I want to be there for you.

Swirling shades of blue
slow dancing in your sky,
The sun kisses the earth
and I hush my urge to cry.

I want to be there for you...
Someone you can come to...
It runs deeper than my bones...
I want to be there for you.

Cause I hear the whispered words
in your masterpiece, beautiful...
You speak the unspeakable through...
I love you too.

I want to be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
And I want to be there for you

-The song is nice. Makes me shed a tear.
So you know.

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5:46 AM

Oh. Don't mind me.

Told ya I took pics yesterday.

Hate it?

Hate me?

Oh, didnt take any of these

to please you people.

So, jog on.

My Bloody Valentine

Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life

I ripped out
His throat
And called you on the telephone
To take off
My disguise
Just in time to hear you cry when you...

You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
The night he died
You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
One last time

Singin'...Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life
I don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight

There was
Police and
Flashing lights
The rain came down so hard that night and the
Headlines read
A lover died
No tell-tale heart was left to find when you...

You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
The night he died
You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
One last time

Singin'...Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life
I don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight

Tonight
He dropped you off, I followed him home
Then I, I stood outside his bedroom window
Standing over her, he begged me not to do
What I knew I had to do cause I'm so in love with you

Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new lifeI don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight

Tonight

- Have always love this song. The lyrics. It is sooo fetch.

Lips of an Angel

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why you calling me so late?

- The song is kind of mean yet it is sweet. And the voice is yummy!

You people might be thinking why the
hell am I putting up songs and all.
Oh well, there's nothing better to do
anyway.

back to the top

Friday, November 16, 20078:12 AM

I wanna talk.
But will you listen?
I wanna talk.
But I'm afraid of you.
I wanna talk.
Because I miss you.

First, my friends left me.
Close friends.
Now... you too?
='(

Her feelings she hides
Her dream she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place

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Be strong, be strong now

Thursday, November 15, 20078:05 AM

Terrible, terrible
mood swing early this morning.
Uh, no, let me correct that,
afternoon.
I wasn't up that early ok.

And, dad annoys me by imitating
Avril Lavigne.
Ok, not that bad.

So back to the ''mood swing shyte''.

I'm totally annoyed by everyone
especially myself.
I'm so frustrated with things around me.
I'm so mad at everything.
I'm angry with the world at the moment.

I'm really lonely.
Really.
I used to have people smsing me
talking to me
and stuffs.
Now? They all left me.

I sound like a desperado.
Ha-ha. Whatever chicken.

I learnt something.
I don't wanna ask to be LOVED.
Came across a phrase from sis that goes
'True love is to give and not expecting anything in return''.

It hurts. Yeah. It hurts.
But it doesnt hurt to try
practicing this phrase
because that's what I'm going through now.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Really.
=/

I've been scolding and throwing tantrums
at everyone today.
I feel like slapping someone.
Or even kill.

I'm not a doll.
I am NOT a doll.
Why do you people always treat me this way?
I don't know who my REAL friends are anymore.
Heck, I don't care what YOU think of me, like I had said.
But I care HOW you treat me.

People.
I'm human just like all of you.
The only difference is
you people who turned your BACKS on me
is that you people are acting like one *beep*.

Stupid *beep*.
*beep* *beep* *beep*

I hate so many people right now.
So many...

I swear
I wouldnt even wanna LOOK at
ANY OF YOU CHICKENS
anymore!
If I happen to see any of YOU [you know who you are]
I would spit on your face.

Think I'm soooo scared of you?
Oh well, think again
and again and again.
Bunch of wankers!!!

I'm giving up.
I give up.
Enough of the leftover friends I have right now.
I don't need any new ones anymore.

One last hope
I hope these leftover friends are people
who I could rely on
and don't stab me in my back.
Like, soon I walk out of the room
you started talking about me.

Believe me
I'm never gonna forgive any of you people.
Because, I gave you a lot of chances.
No more chance.

Think my friendship is threatening?
Then go and die.
For all I care.

The beloved and The hatred

Where is your...
Where is your...
Where is your love

The Smaller the keys - bigger the locks
closure of dorms - for the hatredpick a key and watch!
sesame open - just meaningless words

Tell me, where's your love
Tell me, where your heart
don't look back to that start
where's your love.

A daring mixture of shelter and temptation
the one who dares will gain the blame
lines web into my heatto tear it slightly apart

Where is your love
Where is your heart

Tell me, where's your love
Tell me, where your heart
don't look back to that start
where's your love

Where is your love???

Of darkness and light

Gather 'round in the main square
come tonight my child
see the end of a sinful life
the end of mischievous lies

So I went among the crowd
the whispers cursed her name
Then through the people's frantic shout
she was brought to be tested by the flame

[chorus]
And I saw her smile
as the flames rose
She looked up to the skyand the air froze
Something in her eyes
[chorus]

Too much for the narrow minds
condemned as an evil whore
She didn't mind, 'cause deep inside
she had reached something more

[chorus]
And I saw her smile
as the flames rose
She looked up to the sky
and the air froze
Something in her eyes
of darkness and light
[chorus]

[chorus]
And I saw her smile
as the flames rose
I looked into her eyes
I saw that she knows
things beyond this life
Of Darkness and Light

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THE STORY OF A CARBÓN PUTA, ALIEN AND EMO WANNABE

Wednesday, November 14, 20075:40 AM

Lol.

You guys totally made me laugh.

Let's start the story of...

a CARBÓN PUTA first.

CARBÓN PUTA.

A friend I initially thought

I could trust.

A friend I thought I could confide in.

A friend I thought I could rely on.

A friend I share my secrets with.

And a friend I thought was different

than the rest.

Damn, I was so wrong.

Sooo wrong.

Dear readers,

let me ask you something.

If your boyfriend died,

are you able to get over it soon

and act cool as though it was just

your dog who died?

It's really funny and absurd

for someone like CARBÓN PUTA

to say things like

''Oh My God. Look at her.

She's sooo overreacting when her boyfriend died.''

The only difference is that

you're just a coward CARBÓN PUTA

who knows nothing but to talk behind

people's back.

I'm used to it.

But I never thought it would be YOU

my dear ex-friend-now.

You were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on

after his death.

You were there to comfort me.

You were.

JODER I certainly regret telling you

anything.

You two-faced loopsided ass.

Oh,

I would love to see you laugh your hearts out

if your boyfriend die this time round.

=) Cheesseeee.

Next story on...

ALIEN.

ALIEN.

Hah. I don't really have much to say about you.

But I certainly cracked my ass laughing

when I found out that

you were gossiping about me

with the people in THAT house

with CARBÓN PUTA y EMO WANNABE

and some people.

Say my face looks scary?

Lol.

I take that as a compliment.

Really.

How sweet.

And oh, I don't really know

what the hell you

were blabbering about me.

But I don't really care WHAT you say about me.

Because I know all of it are not true.

But what I care is WHY you say stuff about me

behind my back.

Where's the old ALIEN I used to know?

LOL.

Oh... I know.

Maybe you were upset when your dear friend,

EMO WANNABE,

got rejected by me.

Aaaawww. Brother LURP. *feels the sarcasm*

Haha.

Oh, I hope your water bag in your head

gets puncture a.s.a.p.

It's polluting your peabrains

unabling you to think like a man.

But my my...

I'm wondering how you would look like

after your head shrinks

to a smaller size.

Okay.

Last and certainly the least of the least.

EMO WANNABE.

EMO WANNABE.

You're so stupid.

Really.

You're so devasted when

I rejected you.

And, aftermath, I could sense you

weren't happy.

And so you talk things about me behind my back.

Lol.

Now that's sooo emo.

*rolls eyes*

I'm glad and THANK GOD

I didnt bother giving you a chance

to be my man.

You see,

I told you straight in the face that

you're not my kind.

And then you started being so...

erm... what dya call that

err, EMO for you,

yeah.

Ooooh.

Can't help it if

I really don't even like you.

Oh well, you know that.

Haha.

It's funny when I remembered

you wanting to be EMO

just because you like their hair.

LOL. LOL. LOL .LOL.

Ahem.

Now people, let's dont be mean.

He's just a newbie.

Aaawwww.

...

Where are your brains,

EMO WANNABE?

Doubt if you have any.

If you think I'm that kind

of girl who can fall easily

for guys like YOU

boy, you're so wrong.

And, those songs

don't make me feel

no joy.

I'm not even touched.

Actually, I don't really read them either.

Oho...

You said I was immature.

Yeah.

I ACT immature but I don't THINK

immaturely.

Unlike EMO WANNABE.

Your words are as twisted

as that of a grandmama's

blabbering.

First, you texted me saying

I look gorgoeous during Hari Raya outing with you guys.

And now you too, say I look scary.

LOL.

Funny.

Oh, now I regret

to think alike with you guys

about mateen, shahidin or even

shafiq.

They're much better than you people.

Now I know.

So,

my last words for you guys...

HIJOS Y HIJA DE PUTA

PUTA MADRE

ALMEJA

JODIDOS MIERDA

JODIDAS MIERDA

IJÓDETE!!!

[Names are not written as a mark of respect to my dearest, trusted, companion baby. Also, to prevent CARBÓN PUTA from BURNING, ALIEN from INVADING and EMO WANNABE from SLITTING WRISTS.]

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